Monday, April 13, 2009

Again



I remember the days,
Actually mostly the nights,
And the mornings,
Of dawn's early precipice light,
Tinged with the illegal,
Trespassing away from my youth.

The dark and mysterious nights,
Leading me astray,
It was all so alluring,
I could not resist.

It was as if not the beautiful,
But the beautiful being disgraced by the ugly,
That was intoxicatingly so,
That I could not turn away.

The manufactured 3,4-MethyleneDioxyMethAmphetamine,
Coupled with a glittering dust of heroic diacetylmorphine,
That laced the crystalline,
So-called hydrogen H-bomb,
The female heroine heroin of chemical salvation.

The virgin tongue tainting the ferrous blood,
With man-made plasticity,
What somnolence was fast approaching,
And oh how the anxiety was annulled by the anxiolytic affect,
Pushing the emotive euphoria forcefully into my world,
And into my stable mentality, my mental stability, that I call my mind.

The consciousness became fuzzy,
The conscience evilly cooperative,
As the yellow-orange sodium-vapor lights grew eerily distant.
And the constant darkness of the night,
Was met with the loud thunder,
Of the futuristic drums,
Beating the tribal human nature,
Back into my heart.

I felt my blood muscle react,
The pace became fast,
As I pondered,
How evolved humans have become,
Since the Ethiopian origins disappeared,
Across the volcanic sons of Hadean,
The original seven pieces of ancient Pangaea.

I am but one simply small,
And ubiquitous grain of sand,
In this ever falling hourglass,
Yet I feel more than just special,
I feel chosen.

I feel chosen to be enlightened,
The occult has selected me,
The Gnostics have summoned me,
The mystics have prophesized my coming.

I am entwined with this exact moment of history,
Where I simultaneously exist as mortal and divine.

I breathed the cool air from her lips,
The pleasantly poetic symmetry,
Of a mysterious girl's modal mouth,
And her feminine molecular formation,
That has the essence and aura of gold,
The aura of an aurora that glimmers and glows,
The borealis of a clear crisp cold northern night and light,
In colors that confuse and mystify,
The minds of all men that walketh so.

Why is the female the ultimate beauty perfected,
The pluperfect form, idyllic companion delight,
Why is it she that makes all your troubles disappear,
And life appear dividedly divinely so,
For all those who encompass her freewill and spirit know.

And whilst I bear the thoughts,
Of mankind all in one breath,
Towards the heavens I begin my ascension,
Yet I know I am but mere mortal.

As I witness my own sense of being and status quo,
A huge heavenly deluge of insight is given to me,
One that foretells all and eternally escapes time's persistent forward march,
Binding it all together into a single simple shape yet complex,
An elegant embodiment that has but one solitary side,
While collapsing compactly all into itself,
All of the motions, both past, present, and future,
Adorning the contours of this visually stunning illustrious semblance,
All encompassing the physical realm, a true cosmic metamorphosis,
Everything and all.

It is the cosmic spiral of undulations,
That weave existence from void,
Into an apparent cyclical fashion,
While eluding even the brightest being,
Of its true singularity form.

As time reveals herself to me,
The melodic crystals of sinusoidal synthesization,
Emanating deep from within the magnetic silicone,
Penetrate through my cochlea and into the cortex of the aural,
The pure sounds caressed my mind,
Chemical synaptic response, synapse by synapse,
Neurotic neural node, neuron by neuron.

My machinery, so very sophisticated and hyper-advanced,
Had met its evolutionary equal,
In the midst of a mist, an atmospheric trance,
The brown sugar ingredient in my freshly baked good,
Imperialized the collection of networks that constitute me,
And developed an impenetrable logical argument,
The evolutionary revelation within my mental revolution,
The revolution of mine, the mind, my mind,
Our mental revolution,
All 100 billion of us.

A single interference of a pristine molecule,
Never before seen, tasted, nor felt by my being,
Through direct chemoreception it was received,
Disinclined to the spiritual realm,
Synthetically known to this mother, Mother Gaea,
Challenging the Earth, challenging the universe,
Challenging hell and heaven alike,
A molecule that challenged the mind, body, and soul.
Chemistry had somehow given me a challenge,
A gift of the Gods maybe, a gift of science more likely,
And it showed me for a split second the true colors of the universe.

The colors by which you cannot see,
The sounds by which you cannot hear,
The somatosensory by which you cannot feel,
The introspect by which you cannot think,
The divine by which you cannot be.

I was swept off my foundations of rationale,
By feelings that went far beyond the edge,
If you can call it an edge,
My wildest dreams,
My extreme passions,
My empathetic apathy.

I saw them,
The oneiric prisms,
Of pure joy and content,
That were multidimensionally redefining my realm,
And how I view the simple word of bliss.

Ancient-modern,
Epiphanic enlightenment, kinetic knowledge,
Harmonious harmonic harmony,
Future-past in the present.

A strong calm dwindled,
Into my stream of consciousness it flowed,
Slowly, but surely decrescendoing into light, airy, faint comfort,
A calmly flowing pleasant feeling of pure comfortable contentment.

To this day,
I wish to return,
But regrettably regrettable,
I will never knowingly choose,
To walk so close to that dangerous edge,
The edge of the valley of the shadow of death,
Never again until that one day of judgment,
Is the day that is truly upon me by the divine G*d's will,
Or for some strange reason by the grace of mystique,
That I will find myself on that edge by the free will,
Of my own synergistic convergence upon a single thought,
That could propel my continuance of biologic senescence away,
Far, far away from this spaceship Earth,
This pale blue dot,
Circling around this one subatomic system of the solar.

I am in love,
Unrequited love,
Requited love that requires repartition,
Retrograde retribution to my noble mind,
All that I do not wish to endure to bring this love,
This romance of the chemical back to a spark.

I am full of sadness from desire,
I have seen and it has showed,
To me, myself, and I, the many more emotions and spectral spectrums of nuances galore,
That do definitely existentially exist in the knowledge of women, children, and men.

It has placed me into a state of listlessness,
Complacent with the emotions of angels,
The angelic annhilation of my stability,
Complete with a side of torpor, acedia, melancholy and ennui.

I feel the deadliest of the deadly seven steeping my kettle of sin,
For I cannot resist it and I am but one submissive soul,
To this deceleration as if I was a fly in molasses.

Yet, while I have abandoned my morals,
And dipped my foot into the lake of fire,
Nearest the farthest circle of hell,
From which the gate I entered where I chose to abandon all hope,
I do feel a strange sense of helpless hope.

I feel an embrace,
A sour embrace,
Slowly telling me the truth,
The truth of my sole soul,
The truth of the world's soul,
And the soul of truth.

THERE is no religion higher than truth.
There IS no religion higher than truth.
There is NO religion higher than truth.
There is no RELIGION higher than truth.
There is no religion HIGHER than truth.
There is no religion higher THAN truth.
There is no religion higher than TRUTH.

As each song lightens the opulent sky,
With the red fiery hues,
Of the seventh-hundred nanometric range of heavenly zeal,
I open my eyes as pinpoint pupils,
Letting light into the shoebox of my head.

I see the clouds billowing upwards,
As the solar radiation melts the vapor into invisibility.

I meet the day with a song rhythmically filled,
A bounty of basslines galore,
Solidifying the breathing atmospheres,
Of sonic accompaniment to my delusional state.

I was delirious,
But now I am complacently content,
At peace with myself, others, and all.

The day goes on,
And a cool summer breeze hits my skin,
As I truly fall into the twilight of midday's sleep.

In and out,
Luxurious lackadaisical relaxation,
Amongst my home where I feel no pain,
And discover the breeze entering nearby though it is barely spring.

My synaesthetic revolutions,
That mimic the movements of the sun and the stars,
Geocentric, yet heliocentric,
All within my head,
Meet in contradiction over the smell of a tropical wind,
The wind pushing against my spring sweat,
As the recent vernal equinox has barely just passed,
Yet a cool summer breeze hits my body and teases me so.

Astronomically abstaining from the contradiction,
I spell the inner words for which write my future.

Still, I feel a passion for the chemical sapience,
That my blood vessels soaked up like a dry sponge,
And I yearn for that day,
The day when I can walk again,
Into the Gnostic light emanating and illuminating,
Not from somewhere nor from within, but throughout.

I will walk upon such a true and valiant bridge of light full of fervor,
One day again,
Truly one day again,
One day again,
one day,
one...

ONE DAY!

And on that one glorious day,
Time will stop, truth will ascend,
And I will lay at my creator's feet as a humble soul,
Watching the mortal die as I stand upon this bridge beyond time,
That stretches from Earth to the heavens,
Upon which no storm, no evil, no malice can affect,
Stronger than the force of anything imaginable.

I will not need to ask what lies below the bridge,
Nor what hinges are above that hold and suspend the bridge steadily so,
And I will surely not ask nor need to ask whether I am truly just standing,
On a regular spherical firmament amongst the heavens,
An orb amongst the stars,
In a fathomless void of infinite multitude,
A sea of deep black darkness with twinkling pointillism of shimmering distant brilliance,
In a form and shape of indescribable proportions.

Why, you might ask?

Because for I will know it throughout,
Throughout my eternal mind, immortal body, and effervescent soul,
Not from within, nor from somewhere, but absolutely, positively, throughout.

Stability will be a mere word,
That will have no meaning to my reborn self.

I will know that the bridge is secure,
The warmth not surreal,
And the contentment completely legitimate,
Because it will be a divine love,
That will permeate through my new blood,
And it will exist with me forever and always,
As I will have returned to the source,
The final destination,
The last stop,
Fully enlightened.

I will abandon optimism,
Unnecessary it will be to possess,
And I will preclude other human weaknesses,
I will not need hope,
I will discard desire,
I will exclude the emotions that I know so well,
Adoration and anger,
Despair and aspiration,
And I will trade them all,
For the full spectral reflections of the purest,
And simultaneously most heterogeneous forms that I know,
As a being only partially enlightened at present,
But a being that has seen a glimpse,
Of what can, what will, and what should be,
And that I surely hope and expect to find at the very, very, very end,
If there is really such a thing.

I hope that the warmth will welcome me,
As I saw that one day that I traded stable security for risk,
That I tread so close to the edge of the deep abyss,
As I tiptoed on the crest of the canyon,
And danced with the Devil against the LORD's will,
But whether the sinful nature of the dance was sanctioned by the righteousness of G*d,
The divine force, the Holy Spirit, Yeshua, Allah, Yahweh,
It is sanctioned by me because it gave me a glimpse of heaven,
A piece of the pie in the sky,
My own personal cloud for me to rest my gentle soul,
My feeble mind and my growing spirit.

I do believe that if it was not truly endorsed by the divine,
That there was an alternative path of endorsement,
By the sheer fact that I was given a shimmering and glittering glimpse,
And I saw what an eternity of bliss looks like,
It has renewed my faith and my religion,
It has shown to me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel,
That the heavenly river in the sky is not just an arbitrary anomaly,
That we are truly indeed a reflection of our creator,
And that we exist in a world that is bound by time,
But that is cradled by pillars of eternal joy,
And structurally designed far beyond our human capacity.

I think, therefore I remember,
And I remember all of this insight and introspect,
From when the 6-monoacetylmorphine flowed in my fluid,
And bound itself repeatedly to μ-opioid receptors throughout my mortal flesh,
And especially when the methylene touched the dioxymethamphetamine,
During those fleeting moments when time stood still,
However sincere or insincere the feelings felt,
The chemicals artificially produced,
Manufactured bliss,
But when that day cometh and I will stand on that bridge,
I will know that this time it will be sincere,
Beyond the tears felt when realizing that the son of G*d has risen,
The interface between divine and mortal bridged,
Where the sinless can touch the sinful,
And divine plucks a ripe fruit from the vine,
Which bears the gift for the living,
Which giveth the blood of Christ, our savior,
That we shall all once again arise and ascend into heaven.
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